A Lesbian in Ohio

I've been listening a lot to Stephen Lynch lately. I'm especially fond of my CD on warm days during rush hour. Most of my fellow drivers are annoying jack asses. People wait til the last minute to change lanes, don't use turn signals, barge right in between you and the car in front of you... it's a mess, really. 99% of Dayton drivers are goddamn idiots. It's only fair then, I suppose, that I try to drown out their rap bullshit or their Glenn Beck haaaaate with something funny and witty and definitely offensive. The looks rich white men give a girl when "Vanilla Ice Cream" starts playing is the stuff of comedic gold. I love it!
Unfortunately, today I was feeling too sick to blare loud music. I missed my classes, barely made it to work, and then barely survived by groceries (mostly because all of West Carollton left their brains at home today). You know what made everything better?
Frozen banana bites.
They're pretty easy to make. I found a recipe on Sea Salt With Food that just looked amazing, so I decided to try it before the fruit flies that invade my kitchen each summer show up in force. That's a pretty good recipe, really, but I adapted it slightly because I'd rather not eat coconut if I don't have to. If I had to choose between eating coconut and dying, I would seriously consider death for at least a split second - that's how much I hate it.
Recipes after the jump!


Here's what I did:
1. Grab a cookie sheet. Either put down parchment paper or - if you're like me and you keep forgetting to buy it - take some wax paper or foil and fit it over the sheet. Then, for foil, take a paper towel and lightly spray cooking spray on it and then gently rub down the foil to prevent sticking. Do not glob it on or put a lot on. You don't want to mess with the taste here or create a banana slip-n-slide (actually, that sounds kind of fun).
2. Take 2 bananas. Slice them down the middle like you're making a banana split and them make them whatever size you want. Nobody cares; they're your bananas. You want to feel fat? cut them in half so you just have four massive slices. Looking for a snack? Make them 1/2" long. Whatever. I did mine at about an inch because I want a snack but I also don't care. :)
3. Lay the bananas on the sheet so the fleshy part is face down. Leave the wet, juicy interior face up, just in case you fucked up step one. That way there's less of a chance of the banana freezing to the foil.
If you happen to like eating foil, go ahead and do it your own way.
4. Put the cookie sheet with the bananas on it in the freezer for one hour. Make sure the cookie sheet is level, or,  you know, banana slip-n-slide.
Walk away.
5. After an hour is up, feel free to return to your kitchen. (You can probably leave the bananas for a couple hours if you need to, btw, but they'll need an hour, minimum, to freeze.)
6. Here's where you have to make a decision. If you DO NOT WANT extra sauce, then combine 1/3 cup of your favorite kind of baking chips (I used semi-sweet chocolate minis) and, if you like, 1/3 a cup of your favorite peanut butter either in your microwave or in a non-stick pan. The peanut butter isn't necessary. Please leave it out if you're allergic.
If you WANT extra sauce to put on other things, then use a whole freaking bag of the baking chips and peanut butter to taste. I used a whole bag and then a 1/3 cup of peanut butter because I'm not so crazy about peanut butter and bananas.
7. Got it melted? Good! Now put your bananas in the sauce, coat them, and leave them flat-side down on the cold cookie sheet to harden. If you want to add nuts or anything on top, do it before the mixture gets hard.
If you fail at doing it before the mixture hardens, just spoon a tiny bit extra onto the banana bit and add nuts or sprinkles or whatever then.
8. Put the cookie sheet back in the freezer and leave it alone until the sauce and banana have frozen together.
If you have extra sauce, you've got options! We covered some raspberries in it, then we did my favorite treat:
1. Take a marshmallow of the size of your choice.
2. Stick a toothpick in it.
3. Dip the marshmallow in the sauce.
4. Place on parchment or wax paper (or my trick with the foil and cooking spray) to harden. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, eat within 2 days.
I only make about 6 at once - 3 each for Chloe and I.
Or you can do my favorite s'more recipe:
1. Break however many graham crackers in half that you need. Ideally, two for each person. Make extras if you like. Your health choice, not mine.
2. Spoon chocolate-peanut butter mixture onto each cracker and smooth it out like you're making a sandwich.
3. Put cracker down on cookie sheet or plate.
4. Refrigerate as normal.
5. When ready for s'mores, pull them out, add Hershey bar and toasted marshmallow. Put other graham cracker on top. Serve.
There are so many other things you can do, I'm sure. That sauce would taste mighty good with Buckeyes!