A Lesbian in Ohio

I've been listening a lot to Stephen Lynch lately. I'm especially fond of my CD on warm days during rush hour. Most of my fellow drivers are annoying jack asses. People wait til the last minute to change lanes, don't use turn signals, barge right in between you and the car in front of you... it's a mess, really. 99% of Dayton drivers are goddamn idiots. It's only fair then, I suppose, that I try to drown out their rap bullshit or their Glenn Beck haaaaate with something funny and witty and definitely offensive. The looks rich white men give a girl when "Vanilla Ice Cream" starts playing is the stuff of comedic gold. I love it!
Unfortunately, today I was feeling too sick to blare loud music. I missed my classes, barely made it to work, and then barely survived by groceries (mostly because all of West Carollton left their brains at home today). You know what made everything better?
Frozen banana bites.
They're pretty easy to make. I found a recipe on Sea Salt With Food that just looked amazing, so I decided to try it before the fruit flies that invade my kitchen each summer show up in force. That's a pretty good recipe, really, but I adapted it slightly because I'd rather not eat coconut if I don't have to. If I had to choose between eating coconut and dying, I would seriously consider death for at least a split second - that's how much I hate it.
Recipes after the jump!

Watching this made me feel slightly more secure about holding my wife's hand in public - but only slightly. It's a good video, very touchy. Even in Texas, people will stand up for gay rights.

Oh, that sweet, sweet sugary goodness!

As a human being with an inner fat man lurking somewhere beneath the surface, I occasionally experience the urge to try new, disgustingly unhealthy foods. A friend of mine that I do roleplaying with online brought up that she had had Oreo truffles and they were amazing. Being a fiend for all things chocolatey that have no nuts, coconuts, or strawberries in them, I had to try it out.

There are a lot of recipes out there, and they're all a pretty good base. Truffles, however, are meant to be toyed with and experimented upon. Tomorrow I'll add a picture to show how pretty mine came out, but tonight, here's the recipe.

You'll need:

1 package of Oreos. I used double-stuffed because fuck yeah! extra cream!
1 8oz bar of cream cheese
Some kind of chocolate to melt! I used the Toll House mini morsels.

Set aside 9 oreos. Separate the cookies from the filling. We twisted off one end, put the cookie part into a gallon-sized plastic bag, and tossed the filling into the large mixing bowl we stuck the cream cheese in. Crush the 9 cookie parts into a fine dust, set aside.

Now do the same thing with the rest of the pack! Just toss the filling right into your mixing bowl on top of cream cheese! Once your cookies are crushed, pour them into the bowl. Make sure your hands are clean and then use them to thoroughly mix everything together.

Once everything is mixed, get a baking sheet and put something down that stops stuff from sticking to it, like parchment paper or foil very lightly coated with cooking spray. Very. Lightly. Spray it on a paper towel or something and just gently coat the foil. Once that's done, roll the mixture into 1" balls (we got 42 out of ours! Oreo truffles are the answer to life, the universe, and everything!) and put them on the sheet. Put that sheet in the fridge.

Walk away.

No. Stop checking on them. Fucking walk away, bitch, and don't come back for an hour.

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Has an hour passed? Okay, go check! Now that your balls are chilled (that'swhatshesaid) pull the baking sheet out of the fridge and melt your chocolate. I recommend putting your balls into the chocolate and using a couple spoons to make sure each ball is totally covered in soft, dripping, creamy chocolate before putting it back on the tray! Once that's done, grab your reserved, crushed, delicious Oreo crumbs and sprinkle them liberally all over all the truffles.

If you run out of chocolate like I did, or don't want to use chocolate, you can roll the balls into the Oreo dust to coat them.

Hell, coat them with almonds, caramel, marshmellow fluff - go nuts! Be fat! This recipe isn't meant to be savored only as a light snack after hours of exercising and eating celery. Oreo truffles are a celebration of life.

Go nuts. :)